you're never as happy as you look on facebook.

you're never as happy as you look on facebook. it's a true statement, right? life isn't perfect. there are hard days......hard weeks......hard years. 

we all have our moments; it's real life. but how many of us actually post those less-than-perfect moments on social media? not me. do you? 

i know that i'm only posting the happy snapshots. i am pretty sure that is what all of my "friends" are posting....but still i find myself browsing my facebook feed at times and feeling downright sorry for myself and playing the comparison game. you know the one i'm talking about, right?  that friend from college seems to have the most perfect marriage......that high school friend seems to be the world's most perfect mommy and is always doing amazing things with her kids......the grass somehow appears greener in everyone's life, at times. 

a few years ago, i reconnected with an old high school friend through facebook. i had just started going though my divorce. she had gone through a divorce as well. did i take and post photos of me curled in a ball on the bathroom floor sobbing while my children slept in the next room? heck, no. did she post photos like that? nope. but we re-connected because we, while scanning the facebook feed, looked not at what everyone was showing us......but the absence of what they were no longer showing. 

there were no status updates from my sweet friend detailing the destruction of her marriage. 

there were no sob stories from me about feeling lonely and overwhelmed with my new circumstance.

what there was was an absence of happy family photos with a hubby in them. 

what we saw was more mama and kiddo photos overall, and less status updates, in general. 

my friend looked at facebook. she looked, she noticed the absence and she reached out......and i am forever grateful. 

she was a lamppost in a very dark and confusing time for me of change. lampposts will help. they will get you through any challenge. people are amazing lampposts. 

so, I urge you all, wonderful readers, to look at your facebook feed. really look. not at what someone is showing you, but the absence of what they are showing you. reach out to someone. and if you are struggling, be brave enough to be vulnerable and authentic to someone that reaches out. 

none of us are perfect. we each have flaws. we all have bad moments. you don't have to flood your facebook feed with "eeyore-like", woe is me moments, but you don't have to be perfect either. i'm not. i need to make sure i am not comparing my behind-the-scenes moments with someone else's highlight reel. 

i need to know more people aren't perfect. 

it's #RealLife, friends. 

embrace it. 

my army of women

my husband has been working a lot lately. with his law enforcement job, it is anyone's guess when or if he'll be home on any given night. normally i can handle the masses but yesterday was a different story. my toddler was on day four of a raging fever and that night, while my husband was out chasing some bad men, my daughter got sick as well. i was up all night with the pair of them. as 7:00 AM rolled around and my other three stirred, i knew i was in need of reinforcements. i'd used the last of the fever reducers over night and there was no way i was going to be able to drag all five to the store.

i contemplated what i could do...leave them at home? take a couple of them? wait until my husband magically returned from work? i wanted to be self-sufficient but when it came right down to it, i knew it was time to wave the white flag of surrender and see if there was anyone who might be willing to help a mom out. i posted this to facebook:

that was it. a simple cry for help in the middle of my sleep deprived morning. i figured someone had to be heading for the store during the day. still, it was hard for me to press send. it was hard to admit i needed help. i liked feeling like i was the rocking mother of five. and yet, when it came right down to it, i figured between the killing of my pride and a trip with five kids to the store, i'd bury my pride and stay at home.

the crazy thing? the response. within minutes someone offered to pick up the medicine. i thought the flurry of messages would end after that but that was just the beginning. there was this:

and this...

and this...

and this...

and those were just the facebook messages. by the afternoon, there were 36 facebook messages offering help. there were several texts from friends. not only did i get the two bottles of medicine, but my favorite drink from starbucks. someone else brought me juice and a party tray of chicken nuggets and fruit from chick-fil-a for lunch. i had three offers for dinner, two people who just came and dropped off food. countless others texted me throughout the day to see how i was.

my friends from out of the area chimed in on facebook too. their responses?

it's hard to believe places like this exist. i was and am still honestly awed by it all. what a remarkable group of people surround me, right? they truly are some of the greatest people on earth, in the greatest neighborhood on earth, from the greatest church on earth, in the greatest town on earth. i know i am blessed.

the more i got to thinking, though, the more i realized that this is how life is supposed to be. we are supposed to count on each other. we are supposed to live in community with one another, support one another, come along side one another, do life with one another. we're supposed to be honest, and vulnerable, and put our pride aside. the miraculous happens when we put aside the facebook and instagram version of ourselves and take a few minutes to just be real. the results are magical.

i may still be sleep deprived. i may still have two sick kids. my husband may still be a walking zombie. but i'm not alone. i'm surrounded by an army of amazing women who have my back. and just like that, am invincible. i think i may just go conquer the world. 

for more, read: no mom is an island and don't block my blessing.

my 20th high school reunion: to go or not to go....that was the question.

it's been 20 years since i graduated high school. i have to catch my breath a little when i say that...because in some ways it feels like it was just yesterday. a few of the memories are so real and recent in my mind. how did we get so old?! don't you remember being a kid in high school and thinking how *old* 38 was? it seems so ancient. in other ways high school seems like a lifetime ago....a distant memory of a person i barely remember. 

i never went to our 10 year reunion. there may have been a legitimate excuse.....maybe a wedding to go to or something.....but the truth is i don't remember and i probably wouldn't have gone, even if i had nothing to do. 

i too have felt many of the reasons i hear from people about why they don't want to go to their reunion: 

1. if they were *really* my "friends" we would still be friends today.

2. why don't we just have a small get-together with the people we actually hung out with in high school...not all the "randoms".

3. why would i want to pay to hang out with people i don't even know anymore?

4. my life is not impressive enough yet. i have nothing to brag about.

5. i am fatter, balder, etc and just don't look the way i wanted to for a reunion.

the list really does go on and on.....

thinking about my upcoming 20 year high school reunion didn't exactly leave me giddy. i adore a lot of people and memories that were made during such a short four years of my life, but i thought (just like so many others) that i have facebook. seriously? a reunion? what is the point of paying to see people that i am already "friends" with and know what is going on with their lives, where they get their coffee, how well their child is doing with potty training, their favorite quotes and how much they love their spouse?! 

most of the people i had stayed close friends with over the years were not going to the reunion. i had re-connected with some very incredible women from high school that were going, but I wasn't exactly in my comfort zone. these women (although fabulous) were not my very closest friends and the real thorn in my side was.....my life isn't exactly where i thought it would be at this point. i certainly don't  have anything to brag about. in fact, the truth is that now (with the end of my marriage), the boys and i are currently "in transition", living with my parents in the very same home i grew up in. i feel so very blessed that i have such wonderful, supportive parents that are helping us through a difficult time, but there are moments that i feel embarrassed and ashamed about my marriage ending and needing to move in with my parents....like somehow i have failed. 

i decided to go against every instinct i had to "have other plans" the night of the reunion and just suck it up and go. i was worried. was there going to be someone that confronted me about something i may have done in high school to hurt them? what if i didn't recognize someone and they were offended? would "mean girls" be mean? in high school i was a very unhappy, insecure person on the inside. i doubted myself at every turn, i didn't think i was good enough for people and i was extremely critical of myself. as the days approached to the reunion, i felt that insecure, self-doubting girl resurface. i didn't like it.

the long and the short of it is this: i did it. i went to my 20th high school reunion and i am really so very happy that i did. even though i didn't get the time i wanted to to connect with everyone there (both people i knew in high school and ones i didn't have the pleasure of getting to know back then), the in-person connection you have the opportunity to experience at a reunion is nothing at all like the perception we think we have of people from facebook. sure, we all are older......some of us are fatter, some of us have less hair, grey hairs, are single, divorced, have kids or kidless. we all have taken different directions in the past 20 years. overall, i would like to think that we are all better versions of ourselves. sure, i didn't go and invent the post-it or do anything famous....but i walked away feeling like i am pretty confident in the person i have become, even if i am still coming to terms with my current situation. my favorite conversations of the night were with those that allowed themselves to be vulnerable and authentic. i truly believe that we all are better versions of our former 18 year old selves..... isn't it funny how going to a reunion makes one sometimes feel like they need to change who they currently are to feel more confident when the most refreshing and empowering thing is to embrace yourself as who you are now and simply be authentic? dare i say i am actually looking forward to the next reunion?! yes. yes, i am.

take a moment and envision hunger (guest post by ruthi solari from super food drive)

as we enter the holiday season where food drives and donating to those less fortunate is more prevalent, please take a moment to read this inspiring and insightful post by ruthi solari at superfood drive. i know that it has caused me, for one, to re-think what i define as "helping" those less fortunate than me is. i hope that it will give you an "ah-ha" moment too.

the opposite of hunger is not "full." the opposite of hunger is "healthy food."

take a moment and close your eyes. try to remember some of the main items that were in your grocery bag the last time you shopped for a week of feeding your family. what did you buy to put in your children’s lunches? what did you bring home for family dinner? how about breakfast?

now clear that image from your mind and take a moment to envision this: you are a single mom with three children to feed. your utilities bill has gone up and you have to save money where you can, so you head to the local food pantry for some food assistance. you wait in line and receive your bag of food for the week. inside the bag, you have canned beef chili, a few packages of top ramen, boxed macaroni and cheese, some jiffy peanut butter and a few more odds and ends. you are invited to a grab a “produce bag” on the way out, which contains 5 onions and 6 potatoes.

if this is the food that you had to use to feed yourself and your family for the coming week, how do you feel? do you feel different than you did thinking about the food you hand-selected to feed your family? many mothers don’t have a choice about what items to feed their children.

feeding america reports that 1 in 6 americans go to a local food pantry for food assistance. nearly 14 million of these are children and over 3 million are children ages 5 and under! we all know that proper nutrition is vital to the grown and development of children. this is why superfood drive seeks to transform local food drives, national food banks and global humanitarian aid into being providers of nutrient dense non-perishables; food that promotes health and well-being.

SuperFood Driveis a 501(c)3 non-profit organization committed to fighting hunger and obesity in america by getting healthier food into food banks nation-wide. it is the small changes that make a significant difference in the health of the food bank recipient. we encourage the donation of black beans instead of refried in lard, fruit canned in its own juice instead of high fructose corn syrup, and whole grain cereal and snack options.

what can you do to help give the gift of health? here are a few ideas:

1. over the holidays, hundreds of organizations host food drives (banks, schools, grocery stores, places of worship and community centers). be a healthy food advocate and turn your local food drive into a Super Food Drive by encouraging the donation of nutrient densenon-perishables. click here for shopping lists and educational materials to help promote.

2. we have an awesome service-learning program called SuperKids for SuperFoods. this program encourages middle and high school students to fight hunger with healthy food by hosting their very own Super Food Drive. we have educational materials and a tool kit for any parent or teacher to take leadership and help today’s youth understand the importance of eating healthy food for themselves and americans in need. click here for more info about SuperKids for SuperFoods

3. donate healthy food the next time you give to a food drive! check out our list of “most needed SuperFoods” and use this list to both stock your own pantry and give to those in need.

4. sign up for our newsletter, “like”our facebook page and follow us on twitter (@SuperFoodDrive). join our efforts to give the gift of health!

To learn more, visit us at www.SuperFoodDrive.org

ruthi solari, founder and executive director