Tuesday, May 24, 2011

mommy wars

does anyone else feel it, or is it just me? you know what i mean....the crazy competition that begins the moment that you conceive, really.

 everyone seems to have an opinion on the "right" way to do things.... the debate between working mommies vs. the stay-at-home mommies, store bought baby food vs. homemade, organic vs. not, breastfed vs formula, epidural vs natural birth.....don't even get me started on the kid milestones (who is walking, talking, crawling, etc.).

 why does everyone care so much about what everyone else is doing? why do we feel the need sometimes to be "right" about the way that we are raising our kids? is it because we are all afraid to admit that we are all just figuring it out as we go along, that we know we will make countless mistakes by the time our children are raised and we just need to know that we are not screwing it up in the beginning? mommies with older kids, does this crazy competition thing with other moms continue as your children grow?


this video is funny. seriously funny....and sort of sad at the same time, don't ya think?

come on. we all know one mom like this, right? maybe you can even admit that you are "that mom". has anyone had an encounter like this?

why can't we all just respect that everyone has different needs, every child is different and that we all make our own individual choices based on what works for us or what is important for us. is there really a "right" way to do things?

 i think we should all take a moment to stop.

 go on (yes, you).

 now take a really big breath.

 exhale.

now give yourself the permission to accept that the choices you have made for you and your family are wonderful for you.....and equally fantastic are the choices someone else has made for themselves.

it's okay.

nothing more to see here. move along.

after all, wouldn't this world be a pretty boring place if we were all the same?

21 comments:

  1. I am not a participant in the mommy wars from the perspective that I DO NOT judge others. However, I have been a victim of the Mommy War bombs.

    With my first child I was easily hurt when someone commented on my 'mommy decisions'. My oldest son is now almost 13 and the mommy wars are alive and well in the school parking lot as moms stand outside their cars waiting for the tweens'.

    I am not your average 'north american mom'. I am not a helicopter mom, nor a free range mom. I like to think I sit comfortable in the middle.

    After three children (13 10 & 8) and the last one on the way now. I have learned to focus on keeping my family healthy, happy, and have learned to let the mommy wars go.

    I have no queen bee. I need no queen bee. I care not what others say and I judge not others. It's not until everyone can take this point of view that we will be able to end the Mommy war. I don't think it's coming anytime soon though ;)

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  2. Great post! I hate that mommy wars even happen with this close to you (bossy mother-in-laws, friends that had babies around the same time.)

    What bothers me most is that I let comparisons get to me and worry me! (I.e. Is my son doing same or better than xyz?)

    I hope I don't become a pyscho mom that pushes kid too far for te sake of beating other mommies.

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  3. I am not a competitive person at all and try to surround myslef around people- especially other moms who are not as well.

    When I was pregnant with my daughter, I was at a party sitting at a table with my husband's friends wife and her family (she has a huge family with many sisters and female cousins). Two other woman at the table were also pregnant. They asked what kind of formula I planned on using and I said I was planning on breastfeeding. Their faces all turned sour and "yuck" actually came out of a few of their mouths. One pregnant woman said "disgusting"!!!
    I could not believe I was under fire over BREASTFEEDING!! I have never felt so attacked and in the company of ignorance as much as I was that day.
    I was truly disgusted and horrified by the remarks I heard from these woman.
    This is why I referred to her as my husbands friends wife!
    I basically wrote her off that day. Can you imagine?

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  4. I have to be really careful not to play into this 'competition'. It's not one but can be very quickly.

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    1. agreed! it is amazing how quickly one can be sucked into the competition. i have to be careful too.

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  5. Great post! I was shocked by the mommy wars when my daughter was first born. We all have such a big thing in common that it seems crazy we'd always be at odds.

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    1. so true. life would be much easier if we all were nice and supportive to each other, don't you think? :-)

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  6. Wow...It's ture of course, there is that one "perfectionist" mom who does all the "best" book things she reads and does not enjoy the journey of motherhood.

    I raised a night owl... all my friends said my son should be in bed no later than 7. I couldn't get him into bed to save my life. I had a hard time getting him up for school. And yet his pediatrician told me not to worry about it, that enentually his internal clock would "right" itself. It started righting itself when he was in high school. But then he stayed up by choice.

    According to the video, my son should be scarred for life... but you kneow what? I raised one of the nicest and most generous people I know.

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    1. that's why we just need to do what is best for our own children. your son turned out perfectly. :-) kindness and generosity are not things you can learn from a book. good job, carla!

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  7. I think it just natural to compare things to others. However, we shouldn't judge. We all make our own choices. We're all right in a sense. Whatever makes us happy is right for us.

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    1. so true! thanks for taking the time to comment. :-)

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  8. well said

    {{ stopping by from SITS }}

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  9. Love this post - so much truth in it. Someone during my own mommy war agonies said that when we are judging others on their choices, it is because we are feeling insecure about our choices. So true Happy SITS day!

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  10. I wish I could just let it go, but I definitely feel judged about various choices I have made out of necessity. It's not that anyone has been overtly mean, but for example, when I had to go back to work, a bunch of friends stopped acknowledging my existence. Like I wasn't in the SAHM club anymore, so I didn't exist. It was really hurtful. But it wasn't overt judging... I don't know what to call it. I just wish everyone would be nice!

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    1. reading this made me think of an amazing guest post that i think you will love. let me know what you think:

      http://www.thethirdboob.com/2011/10/working-girl-moccasins.html

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  11. I just can't understand why so many people feel that they have to push their own perspectives on others. This is true when it comes to religion, politics, parenting, etc. Why can't everyone just do their own thing and avoid passing judgment? Seriously, is it that difficult?? Apparently!

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    1. so true! it shouldn't be that hard......but sometimes it is. ugh.

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  12. I tend to feel left out quite often because I am 31, married, and still childless. I may very well be reading things and be uber sensitive while I patiently wait until I lose enough weight to begin trying again. Still, it's a constant nagging feeling. I'm surrounded by women both on blogs and in person and it's ALWAYS mommy related. And here I sit on the sidelines completely left and feeling invisible. Seriously, it sucks.

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    1. i remember feeling a similar way. you can be a part of our posse anytime-will you be at type a or bloggy boot camp las vegas?--we love to *not* to talk about our kids--ha! ps- loved your current post about how to be a great housewife without kids. xoxo

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