Thursday, January 26, 2012

the last month of pregnancy...

i have never met a woman in her last month of pregnancy who has said, "i love how this feels...i hope the baby stays in there a couple of extra weeks just for fun." nope, i'm pretty sure the last month of pregnancy is tough on everyone. don't get me wrong, i'm still happy to be expecting and thrilled for the upcoming little boy but every once in a while, it's refreshing to be real about why the last month of pregnancy totally bites. so, here it goes. if you are in the middle of your first pregnancy, don't say i didn't warn you.

1) cankles - do i really need to say more? you will swell. you will cease to recognize your own legs. you'll wear socks that, when you take them off, will leave a half inch indentation on your legs. it won't stop there. you'll be puffy everywhere. your face will look like you've spent each night crying. it's fabulous.

2) loss of bladder control - this may not happen with your first baby and it may not happen often... but i'm pretty comfortable in saying that at some point in your last month of pregnancy, you'll sneeze, cough, laugh too hard, jump up and down and you'll be stuck changing your pants. yep, it's awesome. doctors will advise on the importance of kegels but at some point, there are not enough kegels in all the world to keep you from peeing on yourself. welcome to parenthood...where your own personal embarrassment takes on a whole new meaning.

3) weight gain - at some point in the third trimester, as you are reading pregnancy books or bulletins, you will hear the great news that "from this week forward, you will gain about a pound a week and almost half of that weight will go to your baby." we're supposed to read that and be happy. i'm thrilled about the half a pound a week that is going to my infant...just not so pleased with the half a pound that is going to my thighs.

4) sleeplessness - how often have your heard people say, "get your rest now because you won't be sleeping when the baby comes." that's pretty laughable in the last month of pregnancy. the baby will pretty much be sitting on your bladder. you'll get up in the middle of the night numerous times to trickle out what would be a full bladder's worth if you were a two year old. then you'll go back to bed for a couple of hours and do it all over again. add to this the fact that you are only supposed so sleep on your side and that rolling over takes as much effort as a half marathon and you'll wake up pretty tired every day. add to that contractions, the baby kicking, your husband snoring and any other kids waking up and you'll find you pretty much walk around in a coma for the last month of pregnancy.

5) people's comments - things like, "what, you haven't had the baby yet?" or "you're huge! are you sure you're not carrying twins?" or "wow, i can't believe how quickly the pregnancy went." will pretty much make you crazy. first of all, all a pregnant woman wants to hear is how skinny she looks, how slim her thighs are and how all she's carrying is baby. besides that, she doesn't want to hear how quickly the pregnancy has gone for everyone else. i'm pretty sure i've been pregnant for the full 36-40 weeks like everyone other pregnant mother. just stick to telling me i'm skinny.

okay, there are my top five. what about you? what would you add to the end of pregnancy woe list? i can't wait to hear.