Thursday, September 8, 2016

i am a no mom


i am a people pleaser. i want people to like me. i want to make others happy. i want to feel like i have it all together, that i don't have limits, that i can do it all. i want to be a "yes" mom and show the world that i can do it all, be it all, participate in it all...but being that person makes me absolutely miserable.

there are decisions put before me on a daily basis. this week alone, i was asked to be a room mom, join a new bible study, become a direct sales marketer, apply for a new job that i would be "perfect" for, and go on lunch and dinner dates with several friends. i wanted to say "yes" to everything. i wanted to pile more and more and more on my plate in an attempt to manage the whole world, it's problems and it's social calendars at one sitting. it's flattering to be considered for something. i want to be a part of every single group. i want to be a helper and invest in the lives of others. i want to be everything to all people. the truth is, however, none of those things would be what is best for me and my family. so, in spite of my inner struggle and the feelings of disappointment it brings, i'm learning to be a "no" mom. 

maybe i'm getting older and wiser but i have learned how precious and valuable my time is. i've also learned that my life has to function with certain priorities in place. my relationship with my husband and my kids come first then everything else falls into place after that. it's like a great big, glorious chocolate fountain. if one area is full to overflowing, it fuels the next area and then the next, and then everything under that. if any of my important areas are out of order, the most valuable relationships in my life dry up. i don't want that to ever happen.

so, today, i have said "no." i've said “no” to a certain job, “no” to another group, “no” to being a room mom. i've said "no" to countless non-essential things so that i can keep the essentials in their proper place. i've said "no" to things that fill up my plate just to make it full. i've said "no" to doing things for others when that means i have to sacrifice more and more of myself. somewhere along the line, i have learned that being a "no" mom doesn't mean i love people any less, i just love the ones that are the most important to me well. being a "no"mom doesn't make me any less capable, it just means that i can do the things i do say "yes" to with excellence. being a "no" mom doesn't mean that i'm antisocial, or less than committed, or lacking in aspirations. it means that i've learned how to take care of myself unapologetically. i've learned what makes me happy and what makes me miserable. i've learned that putting limits on busyness brings me balance and that brings me joy. i've learned that being a "no" mom makes me a better mom, a better wife, a better me. that's something i will happily say "yes" to. 

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