Thursday, July 16, 2015

#winning at parenting





there are some moments in parenting when you just have to share your story. you have to share it because everyone else needs to feel a little bit better about themselves, even if only for a moment. this is one of those stories. you are welcome.

recently we went to cheer on my middle son's best friend as he played in an important baseball game. we collectively cheered on his little baseball buddy and all his under 8 teammates and then the group of us, my family of seven and two other families went out to a pizza buffet for dinner. we took up two enormous tables and i'm pretty sure the restaurant not only lost money on their "kids eat free" night but they also prayed and hoped we would eat quickly and take our chaos with us as we left.

no such luck for the owners of that restaurant. we were in for the long haul and with the kids at one table and the adults at another, we enjoyed some adult conversation while the kids ate themselves into oblivion.

when the my middle son had officially eaten all he could, he asked if he could go sit outside. the restaurant was particularly chilly so i agreed he could go sit out on the patio as long as he took others with him. so, my son, my nephew, my daughter and my son's best buddy wearing his baseball uniform went outside to sit on the patio facing the parking lot.

the restaurant has windows covering the entire wall looking out to the the patio and the entire parking lot so the kids were all in clear view the entire time. while we adults sat and talked, i would occasionally cast a glance outside. as i did, i noticed something that caught my eye. my nine year old daughter had her hands covering her mouth in horror. there in the other chair next to her, my son's baseball friend was leaning back in his chair, bracing himself for the next blow. my son and my nephew were systematically taking turns punching him as hard as they could in his privates. this was in full view not only of the entire restaurant but of a parking lot full of cars and passers by. #awesome. with each blow, i watched as the friend smiled and said, "nope, still doesn't hurt." this brought on fits of laughter from their little table and then they continued to draw back to hit him time and time again.

it took my husband about two seconds to hop up and walk outside. his words once outdoors to the table of trouble were, "there will be no more hitting anyone in the penis. do you understand?" the word, "penis" about did my daughter in and she collapsed in a fit of hysterical laughter. the boys snickered and chuckled as he walked away. my husband made his way back into the restaurant and had just sat down at our table when my son opened the door, stuck his head in and said loud enough for the entire restaurant to hear, "but daddy, he is wearing a cup!"

did you hear that sound? that was the sound of the last bit of my pride dying a slow and painful death. i knew it would happen eventually. that was the day. i buried my face in my hands and moaned.  #winning. let's be real. #winning is not something i even aspire to anymore. i think #makingit and #learningtolaugh are more attainable goals. i think i like them better. #reallife is so much more fun than #winning anyway.