Thursday, June 28, 2012

honesty, emotion and trust.

i have alluded in the recent past to my life being far less than perfect at the moment. i  have a laundry list of things that have happened in the past 2 years or so that i have been trying to stay positive in spite of. i am not good at showing emotion. i am not sure if emotion simply makes me uncomfortable or if i feel weak when i am vulnerable and showing emotion. (i think it is the latter but i am not sure if i am able to fully admit that at the moment). i feel very alone in this isolation i have created. not opening up to people because i feel badly about burdening them with the chaos and drama of my life has catapulted me into a pit of emotion that is currently busy expanding to the point that i feel that if i were to start to talk about it all i would either have complete diarrhea of the mouth and not be able to stop talking, open up a river of tears that may drown me or show that i am weak. that i am human. that i cry too. that i am far from perfect. that i am real.

over the past couple months i have been working on humbling myself to talk more about how i am feeling to those closest to me. it doesn't come easily.....however, an incredible thing has happened every time that i have: i have learned that i am not alone. every person has something going on in their life that they are struggling with. no matter how large or small of a challenge, i am not alone. there are other people struggling too. while i am not ready to share every detail of what i am going through with the big bad world.....i *am* going to try to open up, be more vulnerable and *trust* the people around me.

wouldn't the world be a better place if we all simply (or not so simply) opened up and trusted each other more? well......maybe not the whole world, but for now, my little corner of it. 

xoxo- chach

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