Tuesday, August 1, 2017

nuggets of wisdom from great wolf lodge


my friend is currently on a family vacation to great wolf lodge. this is her first great wolf experience and she quickly shared with me some tremendous nuggets of wisdom she had gleaned from her first day at the water park. these truths were too good not to share. please read and take these to heart before you head to a water park near you. 


1) extremely hairy men should really avoid speedos. 


let's be real. all men should really avoid speedos. no one wants to see all those franks and beans. still, excessive body hair takes the speedo wearing to another level. if you lay in the water and you can't distinguish your body hair flowing in the waves from the hair on your head...it may be time to cover up just a bit more of the body...and the hair. 


2) cute little triangle bikinis are for the beach...not the water slide. 


i'm all for a cute bikini while one is laying on the beach. if you love a bikini on the beach or at the pool...go for it! the water park, however, may call for leaving that bikini at home. the point of water parks is to shoot your body down slides and have water rushing at you from various directions. when water is pushed at you with that force, those bikinis don't stand a chance. there's a whole lot of accidental naked happening at the water parks, people...a whole lot of accidental naked. save the adorable bikini for a place where you will feel and be able to recover when it is pushed off of your private bits.


3) thongs are also probably not a good idea...especially on your teenage daughter. 


i don't want to start something controversial here, but i don't really want to see anyone's butt cheeks if i can help it. i'm all for girls being confident and feeling great about themselves, but let's be real. wearing a thong to a water park is not only impractical, but it also serves to gather particular attention. guess who is at water parks, you precious teen girls. dads. dads are at water parks...and very hairy men in speedos. if there are any cute teen boys there, they are with their families and will be eating pizza with their little brothers and then sharing a giant family suite where they will bunk up with several siblings. great wolf lodge isn't the place to flaunt what you've got. put on something sporty and go on the water slides. you will have so much more fun than you would strutting your half naked self for hairy speedo men to see. 


4) swimming suits that fit are always the most flattering. 


you guys, just find something that fits you well and that won't come off down a water slide. don't worry about the size or the style. just be comfortable and get out there. if you are popping out of your swimming suit at any location (under, over, on the side), it's not flattering. not on anyone. find a suit that fits. 


5) the most beautiful people are the parents who are enjoying their kids


seriously. the parents who are laughing and loving their kids are stunningly gorgeous. they are living the life of joy out there down those water slides. they aren't worried about their swimming suit falling off or their cellulite legs. they are out there building memories with their kids and that, my friends, is beautiful. just let loose and be a kid with your kids. my favorite memories as a parent are those that happened when i left the serious parent behind and rode the water slide, got under the water, splashed and played with my kiddos and just learned to let go. those moments build memories that will last a lifetime, both for your kiddos and for you. live it up, my friends, and you will be absolutely gorgeous in the process.