don't block my blessing

i recently wrote a post about how much we moms need each other. i had such a positive response to that post that, as i mulled it over, i decided i needed to add one more note to moms everywhere. if you missed my first post, you can read it here.

no mom is an island

i've thought a great deal about how difficult it is for so many of us to accept the gift of help from someone else. words with negative connotations such as "hand outs" and "charity" come to mind. we have managed to misconstrue the loving kindness of others as a poor grade on the perpetual final exam that is motherhood. we become embarrassed and defiant when others offer to help. "how dare they offer such a thing? don't they see that i have it all together? i am perfectly capable of doing things on my own." any of that sound familiar? even if it is not the truth, it's the version that we like to claim for ourselves. 

believe me, i'm the worst offender. i don't like to admit weakness, in any form. i am ridiculously independent and stubborn. i like to feel like i have my act together. still, living like that is incredibly isolating. when i finally let my guard down and learn to accept the kindness of others, i have learned how real friendship looks. 

one of my wise and wonderful friends quickly picked up on my hesitance to accept help from anyone. she stopped me with one quick phrase, "don't block my blessing." we all know it's true, it's amazing to give to someone else and the blessings do come back to us tenfold. if we don't allow people to do things for us, we're blocking the tenfold blessing that will return to them. in one small phrase, the tables had turned. instead of me being selfish for taking the help of others, i became selfish to refuse it. there is so much power in those four little words. 

(yes, that's one of my toilets.)

if you think that you couldn't possibly accept the help of others, let me just tell you a story to compare all yours against. after i had my fourth sweet baby, my body went crazy. i had the sexy combination of arthritis, bursitis and tendinitis all at once (...and no, i'm not 95). every move i made was painful. i remember crying every time i picked up my baby from his crib because there wasn't a part of me that didn't hurt to hold him. add to that bit of horror the fact that my in-laws were coming to visit. i couldn't handle holding my baby, let alone a vacuum cleaner. one morning, there was a knock at my door. standing in my doorway were three of the greatest girlfriends anyone could ever ask for, armed with cleaning supplies and rubber gloves. they cleaned my entire house. you want to understand a new level of humility? stand by and watch your friend on her hands and knees, scrubbing the toilet in your bathroom. 

could i have cleaned it myself? probably. would i have figured a way to block out whatever pain i was feeling and suffer through it? i'm sure i would have. was it difficult to stand by and watch others do what would have been my responsibility? absolutely. did i cry with gratitude when they left? undoubtedly. were they blessed ten fold for blessing me? i can only hope. without question, that incident has motivated me to be there for someone else. if someone has a hard time receiving what i'd like to give, you can bet i'm pulling out all the stops... "don't block my blessing." i'm not sure what ten fold is going to look like but i'm certain it will be amazing.

birthday blessings...

today i turn another year older. chach has a december birthday as well. i am officially eleven days older but we have a remarkable thing in common. each december we get to celebrate not only another calendar year ending and a new one beginning, but another year of our own lives that has come and gone as well. after spending a day reflecting on the year that has come to an end, i feel the need to share a few things i'm thankful for. perhaps it can spur on a moment of thankfulness of your own.

i'm thankful for health. this last year, one of my good girlfriends passed away from cancer. another friend lost his life in a tragic car accident. other amazing girlfriends are battling hard against cancer. friends have faced sick children beyond what i can even comprehend. the young parents of my friends have passed away from various illnesses. i will never take the health of my family for granted. each day that i wake up and find that my biggest health complaint is another child with an ear infection is a day worthy of rejoicing. sometimes i have to stop myself from thinking that my life is difficult because i have two kids with colds at once. may i always have eyes to see things from a proper perspective and remember to be thankful for the huge blessing of a healthy family.

i'm thankful for this new baby and the kids and husband i already have. sure, i joke about my "never-had-a-baby-body." i have shared frustrations with people who have said things perhaps they shouldn't about this fifth pregnancy. there are days when my own children push me to limits i didn't think i could handle. here's, however, what i thought about today. my friends who have suffered miscarriage after miscarriage have been the biggest supporters of my fifth baby. one friend who had a complete hysterectomy in her 20's wonders what it would be like to lose her "never-had-a-baby-body." having a handful of children to care for at home is a dream for some women who would give anything to be mother at all. no matter what sacrifices are made, what difficulties are faced, or how much work is involved, these kids are my greatest blessings. having an amazing husband to share this experience with is an fantastic bonus.

i'm thankful for an amazing place to live. i love my house. i love my neighborhood and my current hometown. this, however is not what i'm referring to when i say i live in an amazing place. i lived overseas for over five years. my first three children were born while living in a foreign country. i know what it is like to live in the murder capital of the world. i know what it is like to look behind my back as i walk with my children in the evenings to make sure we're not being followed. i've fought in the grocery store over a bag of sugar and a carton of milk. i've been medically evacuated out of a country due to poor medical care. we've ridden in armored cars and traveled from one town to another only with large assault weapons accompanying us. i've been on email lists that tell me when a butcher has meat to sell, which grocery stores have been stocked with basic food products, and when the u.s. embassy will be able to provide food that we can't purchase elsewhere. i've lived in places where freedoms we daily take for granted are beyond what is currently possible. we live in an amazing place and we're amazingly spoiled. we find so much to complain about, from leadership to politics to economics, to a grocery store being out of a specialty item we are looking for. we need to learn to be thankful. the line to get into this country is still long. we are blessed enough to call it home. that's something to be grateful for.

i'm thankful for the freedom to be me. i get to blog whatever i want and, not only am i allowed to, but there is a select group of people who actually want to hear what i have to say. i am grateful. i get to go to church and worship without persecution. martyrs are being made the world over and yet i am able to attend services completely unharmed. i am thankful. i have girlfriends who are selfless and kind and who encourage me on a daily basis. i don't have to be someone that i am not when i am around them. they love me for me and i love each and every one of them. they are some of my greatest blessings.

along with the big things, i'm pretty content in the small things of the day too. i'm thankful that i was able to shower, wash and dry my hair, and shave both legs, all on the same day. i'm thankful for a starbucks chai tea latte, something that brightens any day. i'm thankful for love and hugs and kisses from my family. i'm thankful for facebook and a litany of happy birthday wishes from people who span my entire lifetime. i'm thankful for the haagen dazs ice cream bar that is waiting for me in the freezer once i finish writing. most of all, i'm thankful that today begins another year of this amazing life i have been given. while my journey may be different than i ever imagined it would be, i am blessed beyond belief...and indescribably grateful.